Sunday, April 16, 2006

Unwritten Midland Laws...

(Copied from an e-mail circulating, unknown author)

Midland has its own set of traffic rules and tailgating is mandatory.

A person entering a main street from a side road must wait until
oncoming traffic is within 50 yards before pulling out in front of
you. If your brakes are in poor condition, that is YOUR fault.

All directions begin with, "Get on the Loop....."

The loop has no beginning and no end, and the 60 mph speed limit
signs are merely amusing suggestions.
The 8:00 a.m. rush hour is from 7:55 to 8:05, and the 5:00 p.m. rush
hour lasts 15 minutes.
A traffic jam is when you have to wait for the light a second time.

Lamesa road can only be pronounced by a native. Do not attempt to
pronounce it the way your high school Spanish teacher taught you. It
is "luh-mee-suh" and everybody knows it.

The falling of one snowflake causes all traffic to immediately
cease, and those drivers failing to cease will crash into each other.
Fortunately, all schools, businesses and city government will close
when the word snow is mentioned.

If you actually slow down at a yellow light, you are in danger from
those people behind you who are obeying the unwritten law that in
Midland, red lights aren't red until you are in the middle of the

Exit and entry ramps on the Loop are just the recommended way to
enter and exit. Feel free to exit at any grassy point you wish.

The weather has it own set of rules: An hour of thunder and
lightning produces no rain. A small gray cloud can close down Wadley
in 5 minutes.
Local TV weather forecasters are manic-depressive. They show endless
radar screens with no sign of moisture all week long, but a severe
thunderstorm on the weekend will not be reported until Monday morning
when they all return to work.

It's not a dust storm until visibility is reduced to your front
bumper. Everything else is just "a windy day."

Midland, Texas: That's where "The Sky's the Limit", and every tree
has its own Walmart bag waving in the breeze.